So as I mentioned in a
recent post, my sister, Dawn and family came to visit a few weekends ago. (Yes, I'm still very behind on updates). Well, my nephew, Michael (who's 2) isn't the happiest of sleepers when he's in a pack-n-play and given that the Colbster will pretty much sleep anywhere we put him, in the past we have saved ALL of us from sleepless nights. Knowing very well that Michael would probably holler when put to bed, which means, that Cman would wake up and then Jules would have to sleep in the same room as a wailing baby... all these things = not a good picture. So we just do a little bed juggling and avoid the sleepless nights, Michael doesn't know any different and we all enjoy a good nights rest.
How we do this... I've not minded moving the Cman into a pack-n-play for the night and letting Mr. Michael have the crib. Am I a good Aunt or what?! hehe. J/K. When we pulled this trick early last year the Colbster wasn't phased in the least because he was just too little to know any better. Then sure enough this past summer we were headed
on vacation and they stayed over the night before and well, Cman was much older now so I wasn't sure how this would go over. (Well, if 13 months is
old as compared to 4 months!) Sure, he was a weee bit confused as to why he was just rocked in his room, drank his bottle in his room, listened to music in his room, and then we walked
out of his room to go to sleep not in his room. But considering we travel so much he doesn't really mind the pack-n-play, would much prefer the comforts of his own crib, but went with it. 10 minutes later the little guy was snoozing away as he normally would, just... in his own house in a different bed in a different room. Way to go with the flow, I'd say.
So now here we were just a few months later and faced with the similar situation. We were going away again the day after so I was ok with transitioning the little guy into sleeping once again in the pack-n-play since he'd be there the entire following week anyways. Might as well get used to it.
This time I threw a twist in the situation.
I'm an avid reader of "MckMama"'s blog "
My Charming Kids"... check her out, you will be fascinated, amazed, and in awe, but that's a post for another time. What I did take away at one point from her blog is... having 4 kids under 4 you have to "make do" and be creative with where you put them all. Sure enough, MckMama was creative enough to come up with the most unique twist on the idea for a bedroom for their 1 yr old daughter "Small Fry". Sure enough, where did they put her... make her a cozy space just big enough for a 1 year old -
their walk-in closet! How fun. It seems perfect enough, already has space for clothes, has room for a crib and changing table and wallahh.. bedroom we will call it. Soooooo knowing that we live in the woods and don't have curtains or shades on our bedroom windows which for sure would mean that the little man would be up at the crack of first light. I reflected back to MckMama's ingenious idea. The little guy does NOT sleep with a nightlight - check, the closet is pitch black, the little guy just needs space enough for the pack-n-play - check, our closet has that, the little guy would like his music - check check, there's an outlet and we have an extra CD player, we'll be close enough to hear him - check, closet is IN our room... sooo my brain told me this could and would work out great. Everyone would then have their own sleeping space. Dawn and Eric in the guest room, Jules in the blue room (aka temporary 2nd guest room soon to be Sheldon's room), Michael in Cman's crib, the Cman in the closet (aka makeshift bedroom for the night) and then there was us. Woah... I couldn't believe we could pull this off and everyone get a normal nights rest.
Was it too good to be true?
So, a little later than normal because we went out to dinner, but bedtime came for the Colbster and as in August, I rocked him in his room, shut the shades of his room, read his story in his room and pretended life was as normal as possible... until he finished his milk and gently we walked out of his room, down the hall, into our room and into the closet. I could only imagine what the heck was going through this little mind of his as I layed him down not just in his house this time, not in his room, not in his bed, but what in the world was he doing in Mommy and DaDa's closet?! ha. So the confusion took its toll for about 6 minutes, I rubbed his back and he zoned out to the music and drifted into lala land. What we thought was for the night - as usual. Our little sleeper - Mr. 14 hours! Yes, you read correctly, Cman is perfectly content to go to bed between 5:30 and 6 pm (6:30 is pushin it big time!) and sleep til 8. There was 1 morning several weeks ago I finally went in to check his pulse because it was nearly 9:30 and he was sttilllllll sleeeeeeeeeeeping! It's safe to say we skipped morning snack that day! Sure enough he played hard that morning and was ready to go back down for his normal nap at noon. What a kid.
Anyways, I digress. Perhaps to avoid the story and the memories of the closet bedroom from that Saturday night.
So back to it...
6 minutes later he was off to lala land and down for what we thought would be his normal sleep. I actually figured he might sleep later than normal because there were no windows and he would truly get no light to know it was morning. Seeing as it wasn't his normal space, I checked on him a few times before we went off to bed too. And sure enough each time the only thing I found was a silly skipping CD and a sleeping Cman not worried at all that his music was clicking away on the same 2 notes over and over again. Gosh is that annoying. Dun... dom... dun... dom... dun... dom... OYE! But he was dreaming none-the-less. Guess we need a new lullaby's cd considering we've worn this one out.
So kids all tucked in and sleeping... adults chit chatting all night long we finally decided to head to bed.
Goodnight all... see you in the morning... ahhh a full nights rest even with company over. The bed swap was working.
I check on the Cman one last time before climbing into bed. He was coughing a little but nothing out of the ordinary given that it's winter and everyone we know has a cold. Turn off the music and ahhh my pillow. Scott and I are watching tv and suddenly he starts to cry. Crap - the tv must have woke him up since his music was now off. Quick, turn off the tv and he'll roll over. But 5 minutes later he was now coughing and sobbing and obviously very upset that he was awake halfway into the night.
Out of bed I climb to go rub the little man's back, yes, where, of all places, in our closet. This was a bit weird. It's ok, it's ok little man, back to sleep. Shhh shhh - time for bed. Rub the back, cough cough... hmmmm. He's wheezing a bit, let me go get his humidifier out of his room since he usually sleeps with that. Perhaps he's just missing the extra moisture in the air. I go out to the bedroom and say to Scott. He's wheezing a bit, I'm going to go get his humidifier, will you go in and rub his back? No problemo... daddy to the back rubbing rescue.
I come back. And sure enough, Scott has Colbster in his arms in our bedroom still wheezing, but this time far worse. Forget the humidifier... go get his nebulizer, lots of albuterol and pulmicort - that's not wheezing, he's in a full-on asthma attack. GRREEEEEEAT!!! Way to go mommy... so much for this great idea of the closet. So much for everyone having a good nights sleeep. So much for just needing the humidifier. Oh crap, oh crap. Back to his actual bedroom I go, and yes, as quietly as I can possibly grab all these machines and medications and mask trying not to wake sleeping Michael for lord knows we're doomed if BOTH little boys are up in the middle of the night.
Scott was holding a limp dish rag, which at that point bore littleresemblance of our normally happy, smiley child who was gasping for breath and holding it for breathing out was just too painful. Scott being an asthmatic himself knew exactly what was going on the minute he walked into the closet, I, however, had never experienced a full-on attack because Scott's had been controlled so well by the time we started dating. Sure, I've seen him wheeze and grab time after time for his spray since we keep 1 in each car and in the house and every where else we can think of. And yes, we've definitely seen Colbster wheeze and cough and need extra albuterol treatments several times a day... but nothing ever like this before. This was just darn right scary. And gosh... here's the ultimate of mommy guilt - it was all my fault. I came up with the grand idea to set up his makeshift room in the closet, I didn't think that this confined space with dust his lungs weren't used to would trigger an attack like this.... ughhh. I still have a pit in my stomach every time I think about it.
So here we are with an albuterol treatment steaming into Cman's lungs, still crying and coughing and not wanting to breathe... trying to coax him into taking a deep breath, watching him just sink worse and worse into this asthma attack, still thinking - God am I glad Scott is here, God please help him, God please this is all my fault, just make him breathe in the medicine so he feels better - nothing. The machine starts spitting because we've run out of the cup of medicine. Open another Scott whispers trying to keep the little man calm. I pour another vial of Albuterol into the nebulizer cup and pray again watching my little boy so upset because he can't do the one thing he isn't supposed to be able to control, the body does it on it's own, hell you even practice in the womb - breathe!
Go start the shower and turn it on scolding hot.
Ok, anything to make it better, anything.
We'll have to try hot-cold-hot-cold next.
Helps to break the lungs out of the attack.
We were about 5 wheezes from high-tailing our butts to the hospital... the last time we were there was when we brought the little guy home at 2.5 days old. The next time we were supposed to be there was in June when Sheldon arrived. The next time Cman should have been there was when he was boasting to the world that he was a Big Brother. Not like this. Not because of this.
2 treatments in and the coughing is a little less. The little Colberoo is looking at us with eyes that seem to be yelling - help me
please. I look at Scott, ok so what do we do next. He seems to be calming down, let me have a Pulmicort. In goes a another vial of medicine.
By now the little guy has luckily stopped crying and realizes that we
are doing our best to help him and the medicine is beginning to work.
We weren't in the clear, but certainly turning the corner from heading down... hill... fast.
Pulmicort was in and Colbster was calmer snuggling into DaDa's big cozy arms. Coughing and upset, but calmer.
Ok so he was certainly NOT going back into the closet tonight that's for sure. So into the blue room where Jule's was sleeping I went to dig out the other pack-n-play we have. It was the easier of 2 choices, getting the one out of our closet, wiping it down, getting new sheets, new everything to make sure whatever the heck it was that set off this stupid attack had absolutely no remnants
or just get the other one. I opted for the easier option it was after all almost 1:30 am. Then sneak back into the room with sleeping Michael to get a sheet and a new "raggie" (that's Colbster's little blankies that he sleeps with), wash off the paci's and set up yet another sleeping arrangement right by our bed. We weren't letting him out of our sight or more than an ears distance away for the remainder of the night.
Slowly relaxing and beginning to feel a little normal again. The lungs were still not right though since he was certainly coughing and periodically wheezing as I set up his new cozy space.
Knowing he was out of the woods, Scott lays him down in the pack-n-play and we turn back on the music to lull him back to sleep. Poor guy, he was fighting it. Last time he went to sleep he woke up not being able to breathe. I wouldn't want to let go either. It's ok, just close your eyes.
Nothing.
Sure enough. We knew the little guy was beginning to get better about 2:45am when --- POP!!
Running, running, running....
Circles....
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....
Up and flop.
WHAT IN THE WORLD?
Yep, the Albuterol kicked in and now the Colbster was running (literally) circles around the pack-n-play as if he was in a race against Forest Gump. Round and round... Stand up and flop onto the mattress. Up and FLOP on the mattress.
That stuff may open the lungs, but boy does it screw with your adrenaline too. This child had more energy at 2:45am cooped up in 1- 3x4 ft pack n play than any child I've seen at a carnival or laser tag birthday party.
So here Scott and I are, in the bed about 2 feet from the pack-n-play hiding under the blankets trying to pretend to sleep so he will follow our lead and trying NOT to burst into absolute laughter watching this scene. We knew right then that he was going to be OK.
Phew!
From limp dish rag to marathon runner in a matter of a few hours all because of a few vials of medicine. People begin to question the use of modern medicine or yadda yadda because it "does things" to the body besides fix the problem. After witnessing this situation, I'll take the marathon runner and the medication anytime!
Suddenly, out fly the paci's, out are tossed the raggies, and blanket and now the adrenaline is wearing off. The Colbster starts getting upset that he is losing the battle of wills and his body is beginning to get tired again.
So I slowly and as quietly as possible lean out of the bed and gather up the raggies and pacis. Place them back into the pack-n-play and just as quickly 1 is snatched up and popped into his mouth. Up, up stands the Colbster - ughh - I thought we'd be repeating this paci in and out situation all night. But... With 1 last FLOP - he was on his way back to sleep.
Phew. 3:30 or so in the morning I now lie awake with a sleeping Colby a few feet away, reflecting on the night that was supposed to be and yet how it actually was.
Mommy guilt - ughhhhhh - it's all my fault.
I should've known.
It works for MckMama and Small Fry.
Why me? Why now? Why Colbmeister?
There's that pit again.
What would we have done next, Scoots? I quietly ask (still feeling like I obviously need to know more), he is after all my asthma expert, by experience and necessity, not by choice. And what was the answer I got, but was not expecting ---- We'd have gone to see the "Pepperoni Pizza Man" of course. Ok so our son is gasping for his last breath and you're thinking about food? Nice. :) No... not THAT pizza. The "Pepperoni Pizza Man" - and who might that be? Scott then proceeds to tell me the detailed story about how as a child he remembers going into a full-blown asthma attack (always in the middle of the night) just like this very one we experienced tonight and every time not being able to get it to break at home and being rushed off to the hospital to get a
Prednisone shot. There he and his parents would always find the doctor on call at 3 am was the same guy and every time he was chompin on a piece of what else but pepperoni pizza. Guess some memories are imbedded forever. I would prefer not to meet this so called Pepperoni Pizza Man, I don't even like pepperoni, and I surely do not like asthma attacks.
Not sure I'll ever be able to think about that night without "the pit".
Not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself for putting my child into a situation that nearly killed him. Wasn't a car accident, wasn't a genetic issue, but simply my own closet.
Not sure I'll ever have Colby give up his bed again just because he's flexible.
Not sure I'll react the same way next time I hear him wheeze.
Luckily the story ends well and Colbster is going to be fine.
I think I'll stick to taking advice from MckMama on things like praising God for miracles, or babywearing, photography and breastfeeding and keep the Colberoo happily in his bed, with his humidifier and his music, in his room. No more closets for us anytime in the near future.
Thank God for nebulizers, and Albuterol and husbands that have been through this before. Thank God for resilient little boys!
As for this one Saturday night in January, I'll try, but realize I'll never be able to forget the memories of the Colbsters very first (and hopefully, but realistically not last) asthma attack.
And with that one simple Saturday night in January, I have been dreadfully reminded that I am officially the mother of an asthmatic.
Oh well, just another thing to take in stride... this is life after all and we don't have control over the outcome, happenings and how it plays out. Guess we'll have to wait and see what He has in His plans for the future - Saturday or any other day, asthma or no asthma - life... here we come!